Dear Killingly,
I moved to your town in October of 2012. I’m a born and bred Southerner who loves all things Southern–things like grits and coca-cola and air conditioning. Late in September of that year, I packed up my life and my cat and drove north. I remember getting off I-395 at Rt. 6. It was raining as I drove under the rusty Providence & Worcester railroad bridge. Looking at a gloomy sky through the windshield covered with raindrops, I wondered aloud, “What have you done?”
What I had done, it turns out, was move to one of the kindest, most generous places I’ve ever known or had the privilege to live in. Y’all have welcomed me as one of your own. The people of Westfield painted and cleaned up my first home on Upper Maple Street. When I joined the Killingly Business Association on Westfield’s behalf, the other members patiently listened to my excited rambling as I described my next quirky idea. When it came time for Westfield to restore its historic 1854 structure, y’all came out in force. When we decided that the most obvious next step in our fundraising would be for me to climb our iconic tower and stay there until we raised 10% of what we needed in a single day, you showed up. We hit our goal before lunchtime. By supper, we had flown by it. One of the most remarkable days in my entire life is thanks to you and your generosity and Killingly.
Oh, Killingly. What a week we’ve had.
All of us longed to waltz into this new year with such high hopes for what the future held. Most of us were glad to leave 2016 behind. Then news broke that the Thompson Congregational Church caught fire. We were shocked, but the stellar local fire departments we are so lucky to have showed up quickly and limited the potential damage. And we were sad, but comforted by the knowledge that buildings can be rebuilt and that church sanctuaries, while often beautiful and historic, aren’t the church itself. There’s a children’s song that reminds us, “The church is not a building, the church is not a steeple, the church is not a meeting place, the church is the people.” And that’s the truth. People are what matter.
But in a final fit of desperate tragedy, we had a weekend that shook our region, our town, and our schools. In days, two students and a school administrator died. The details don’t matter, at least not for what I want to share with you. The fact is three people who were known and loved in our town died, and too soon.
Now, for those of you I haven’t met, you should know I’m the pastor of Westfield Church in downtown Danielson. It’s my job to be their and Killingly’s cheerleader. And it’s my job, my call even, to comfort people in hard times and to tell the truth. And the truth is, that this is really shitty. Death is really shitty. And if you’re upset, if you’re angry, if you’re pissed, you have every right to be. If you knew Ryan or Emma or Steve, I want you to know that I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sorry that someone who impacted your life in beautiful and unsuspecting ways is gone. I’m sorry your friend died. I’m sorry your child died. I’m sorry your co-worker died. I’m sorry your student died.
I’m sorry.
Some of you have reached out to me trying to understand. You want answers. You want to know why God took children’s lives. You want to know why God lets cancer exist in the first place, much less kill people. You want to know why these we love so much have gone from us. You want to know why. And you know something? I do, too. I wish I had the answers. I don’t know why. I don’t know why kids or cancer or beloved teachers. But there are some things I do know. I know that God doesn’t leave us orphaned. So I am confident those we’ve lost are in the arms of our Heavenly Parent. I know that God knows what its like to lose a child. So I am convinced God’s heart is broken over the loss of these children, too. I know that God is faithful. So I am certain that God was always with Emma and Ryan and Steve. And that God always will be.
In my line of work, I think a lot about God. I think a lot about what it means to a person of faith in this world, about how God interacts with us and cares for us and loves us. And in my time in seminary and in the church, I’ve come to lots of different beliefs about the Divine. But at the core of my understanding are these two:
The first is simple: God doesn’t choose for us to die. God didn’t want Steve or Ryan or Emma to die. God doesn’t want any of us to die. In fact, in our scriptures Jesus tells us that he came that we might have abundant life. And the last time I checked, the opposite of abundant life is death. All of that to say, phrases like “God took them home” or “God needed another angel” or “God decided it was time” are each our human attempts at describing the indescribable. And they always fall short. God doesn’t need another angel. We’re just devastated to have lost one we’ve loved so much and are desperate to find any reason for why they’re gone. We search for answers because without them, we have to live with an unknown why. And that’s hard. So what should you say? Start with “I’m sorry” or “I’m here” or “I love you.”
The second fundamental belief is one my entire faith is rooted in (excuse the language): God doesn’t make shitty things happen. But God can make really beautiful things come out of really shitty situations. When my mother died eight years ago, I was devastated. I was pissed. It was unfair and untimely. It was a lingering death, a decline we witnessed over months–my Dad and I both harboring a desperate hope that things weren’t what they were. Now, God didn’t make my Mama die. But God was able to take that fertile, shitty soil and grow a something beautiful from it. For me, it’s my relationship with my Dad, who has become in the last eight years my best friend. The story of the resurrection is one of God making beauty come from tragedy, life from the cold and dark of the tomb.
But here’s the thing, we might not see the full breadth of that beauty for years. And you might not be able to see it on your own. So for those of you who have tears blurring your vision, let me show you where I can already see that beauty budding. I see God’s redeeming love in the way this kind, generous, hopeful town has rallied around these families and one another is nothing short of inspiring. It’s a thing of beauty, how you care for one another–how we care for one another.
It’s never easy. It won’t ever be easy. But caring for one another, loving one another, holding one another is our only choice–the only one that works. So let’s do that. Let’s care and love and hold.
You are loved, Killingly. You are loved by God, by each other, by me. And we’ll make it through this tragedy the same way we always have: side by side.
I’m sorry. I’m here. I love you.
Jon
Thanks, Jon!
You’re welcome!
I love how you are able to express such keen emotion (and, yes, tears are blurring my vision). I am with you and all of Killingly in our sorrow. I’m sorry. I’m here. I love you.I
Thanks, Candy!
thank you so much…. i shared with the FFA president and she with most of the vo-ag students this helped them so much ….thank You again,
Dianne J.Davis
Thank you. Heartbroken.
Thanks Pastor Jon for being our Killingly cheerleader please stay here because the community needs people like you.
Thank you for this beautiful post! I have 2 daughters in the Killingly School system, ages 13 and 16, dealing with these losses. All the while for me, bringing up memories of when I was 16 and dealing with the loss of a Killingly High classmate and friend. Trying times for sure but we will get through this.
Jon, my thoughts and prayers are with the people of Killingly and you. Your words are thoughtful, loving, comforting and amazing.
Your words just warmed my heart, eased my mind & comforted my soul. Thank you Father.❤
Well put and thank you ❤️
I am a Connecticut Yankee, though not a resident of Killingly. Your words moved me to tears. Thank you… just, thank you.
Wow. Well said. Truly an inspiration we are blessed to have you in our community.
Thank you for this, these words of comfort so many need to hear, even the athiets. Your religious words don’t bother me in the least, as I know the comfort they bring my fellow humans. Thank you again.
Thank you for this. Killingly needed your kind words. I will be sure to share this with my Granddaughter, a KHS student who knew them all and is struggling with this.
Thank you. Thank you for this absolutely beautiful message to the town of Killingly and anyone who knew these beautiful people we’ve lost. I cried reading this. Your words are very powerful and much needed at this time. Thank you…
Thank you for your perspective on these events. It makes some sense, particularly from someone with a more intimate relationship with our Maker than I. Having endured some pretty hefty losses over the past dozen years or so, your advice to simply say ,”I’m sorry that this happened” is spot on. Killingly is so lucky to have you here.
I moved away from Killingly nearly 20 yrs ago…
I was stationed in Washington DC and later (once separated from the military) became a DC Police Officer…
While in the military, traveled all over via my commitment to country…however… whenever able… I would rush “BACK HOME”… even if just for the weekend…
Main Ave in DC is far different from Main St in Danielson…
The people here are much different…
They typically don’t say hello… they are always in a rush… and always have some shit they HAVE TO DO or somewhere they NEED TO BE…
Very desensitized and lacking humility…
Not in Killingly…
I never realized just how good I had it back home…
My parents live in Brooklyn… as well as my Son(17 yrs old)…
My son also currently attends Killingly High School and is a senior…
The same school my mother attended… and the same school I attended…
My son played football for killingly this past season…never before have I ever seen such an outpouring of community as they rumbled, bumbled and stumbled through the year…finally ending up in the State Championship Playoffs…BACK 2 BACK…
It was amazing…
My son is also on the track and field team… the same team that French(the young man killed on 395) was on… my son is only about 6months older than him…
The thought of possibly losing my son was renewed upon hearing of the passing of what seems like an Amazing Young Man…
Not to forget or down place the significance of the School administrator and the innocent lil girl who were taken too soon…
Killingly has been kicked in the teeth…
The town and community have suffered huge losses…
All I can say is…
My eyes are watering for Killingly…
My heart beats with a pain that can only be measured by the number of people adversely impacted by these tragic losses…
I beg of all who read this…
Tomorrow… when passing by someone at Dunkin or Danielson Supplus… or 99 or Lowes…. or Owen Bell or even Troop D… say “HELLO”… say “HAVE A NICE DAY”… say “HAPPY NEW YEAR…. say “THANK YOU”…
They are all things that are said regularly in Killingly… not saying they aren’t in other places…
I am just saying, at least for me… they mean a little more because in Killingly… when soneone says… Thank You… and Have a Great Day… they truly mean it…
Don’t let these losses break the KILLINGLY PRIDE that so many have come to learn and instill in others… some have even taken KILLINGLY PRIDE for granted…
In closing…
HAVE A GREAT DAY KILLINGLY…
KEEP YOUR CHIN UP…
till next time…
KILLINGLY PRIDE…
-Shawn Rhines
Love you Kelsy and Myah Rhines
Jon you are one very specail guy. I am so glad that we became friends. Your words are so true, kind, and needed. Thank you for all you do.
Jon.
I have never had the pleasure of meeting you I have followed the process of the church renovation. I have lived in killingly since I was 3 yrs old, I now reside in brooklyn I remember as a youngster walking thru town and always in awe of the church,it is such a landmark for killingly, I have yet to go inside of the church,you seem so sincere genuine in all you do and say,thank you for your words and wisdom, I lost my wife to cancer in jan 2016.the words I just read that you spoke was so comforting to me! Thank you so verry much!! I hope to meet you one day.God bless.
Simply and honestly impressed. Thank you for representing the future and generously remembering the past.
All I can say is wow!!! I’m a firm believer in God, and Jesus, I don’t believe you need church to worship him, as a matter of fact after my last dealings with a church, it left me feeling unwanted and alone there, and I feel that God exist in my life without the need to go to church. I’ve lived in Danielson for about 5 years now, maybe six my minds a little cloudy lately, but when you described the railroad bridge on route six, I cough a feeling, I’ve always loved the southern states, and when I pull off that exit at night to come home from work,I get the feeling I’m in a southern town, with that railroad bridge being the center of attention as I make my way home. It’s true Danielson and Killingly is filled with people who are basically there for you, I couldn’t ask for better neighbors, and they’re families are the greatest too. I’m so glad we made Danielson our home.
Thank you for these wonderful words Pastor. We all need to stand together and hold each other up in times like these.
God bless.
Thank you for being so forthcoming. This reminds me when 3 teenagers got killed in a car accident in 1967 all from Killingly. The community did come together, and one of the boys was my brother, Kenny Theriaque. Although I’m not a member of Westfield, I was a member of Danielson United Methodist Church and my “Church Family” helped my family, and me at that tragic time. I miss my Church and this reminds me that I should start attending my Church again. I’m disabled now and a little embarrassed and I need to get over it!
Beautifully said, John. These tragedies have affected so many in our small tight knit community and your words are comforting. Thank you…
From your seminary colleague still deep in the South (Birmingham), thank you for these good words, Jon. Since mid-December, our family has lost 6 friends and just received word yesterday of another friend’s dad’s sudden death. As a pastor and also a friend to these families, it can be a hard road even though I joyfully through tears proclaim, “Emmanuel!” on this 12th Day of Christmas. Many blessings as you shepherd your community-flock. Melissa
Thank you for sharing this with me and with all of us. I must confess…a busy week kept this story in my rear view mirror. My daughter, my grandsons who knew these people are hurting about this. I personally fail at the God thing … a whole lot…but I am truly grateful this morning to you for your “everyday man” way of expressing your faith in him. I too love this town after transplanting from Massachusetts in 2002…..I shall love my kids and grands just a wee bit more … Will hug them more… Slow down more. Thanks Pastor….How very nice to have you “inside” that wonderful church downtown. You are sooo right…that we should look more to the inside than the outside of this beautiful building. RIP to those lost. And my true sorrow for those left behind.
This church knows how to open there doors
Jon, Thank you for always being there for us, all of us. You have been a blessing on this community.